Inflikt

Insurance is like a myth. From one small seed of truth, a fairytale the size of 1000 giant sequoias has sprung up. Reality is blocked from view. Surely, you’ve noticed all the giant, sequoia-like buildings are owned by banks and insurance companies. Where do they get all that money? How much money do the executives make? Who pays for it all? Grab a mirror. “Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the biggest sucker of them all? What’s that you said? The Masses!”

Insurance is yet another unquestioned social reflex. You just buy it. You must. The banker insists you have to purchase insurance or you don’t get the loan. Your government orders you to buy auto insurance at any cost. Hence, it must be really good for you. Hell, why not stock up on some of the non-mandated insurances as well? You can’t have too much of a good thing. Can you?

Somewhere in the dark, murky corners of our minds we hide our thoughts. Like The Emperor’s New Clothes, no one screams out, “But he has nothing on!” or “Hey, this is just bullshit!” You are not alone in the darkness. We all think it. So you are no longer scared to speak, here are some of those secret thoughts voiced out loud for the first time:

1) If I speak out against insurance, I will be jinxed. My home will surely burn to the ground and I will look like a moron.

2) If I speak out against insurance, some pecker-head who heard me will have an accident and sue me because folks are not responsible for their own choices.

3) Insurance is betting against myself. Why would I bet against me?

4) If insurance companies must charge such high premiums because they’re losing so much in payouts, how do they afford all those big buildings?

5) What do insurance companies sell? Air? Promises they intend to deny via small print? Contracts? Wouldn’t I rather buy an IHOP franchise with that money?

6) If government represents the people, why do they make me, a people, a criminal when I cannot afford auto insurance to get to work and feed my family?

7) How much in dollars and perks do insurance lobbyists put into the pockets of politicians?

Do I really need trip-cancellation insurance? Why would I buy a dream trip, and then bet on my canceling it at the last moment?

9) If I put all the money I spend on insurance into the bank or toward building success, how much money would I have for coping with my problems on my own terms?

10) If I buy the extended warranty, will I remember I have it or be able to find it when my widget explodes?

11) Shouldn’t companies make quality widgets that last three years in the first place?

12) And finally, did Jennifer Lopez really insure herself for hundreds of millions of dollars? What? She is already rich. The agent who sold this policy is phenomenal.

Yes, we all know the system is way out of hand! The blame lies with insurance companies, greedy bankers, spineless politicians and with the Masses unquestioningly supporting these absurdities. Every frivolous lawsuit provides government an excuse for mandating people be protected from themselves via costly insurances and removal of individual freedoms.

Before long, we will be required to carry Coffee-Burn riders on auto insurance and Cell- Phone-Earring-Tear addendums on HMOs. These days Sleeping Beauty would have sued the castle owner (a.k.a. Dad) for that prick on the finger, lost wages from the coma and for trauma from the scar. Uninsured sewing needles would be outlawed throughout the kingdom.

With a system this out of control, how do you protect yourself? You cut the fat. Quit betting against yourself. Think about all those different types of insurance. Stop buying out of reflex and decide for yourself what you can kick to the curb. Consider the variety out there and what you truly must have.

Life Insurance is for betting you will die such a loser that you can’t pay for your own funeral or leave your kids any inheritance. Extra Car Insurance-How much you betting that you will crash? Not to mention, homeowner’s, mortgage, trip cancellation, emergency evacuation, unemployment, boat, credit card, business interruption, earthquake, disability, dental, smoker, expatriate, backpack traveler, winter sports, flood, warranty and health insurance. The list goes on.

Here is a new monument to the ludicrous: Terrorist Insurance. It’s even pushed at Art Gallery Owner’s in isolated communities of the Northern Great Plains. And, why not? No doubt Osama is crouching in an Afghan cave right now, plotting to rid the world of those pesky Remmington Cowboy bronzes.

Insurance agents prey upon these new fears like snakes on wounded mice. Apparently, companies want to terrorize you into buying coverage. Another possibility is a rebel SCUD aimed for Mount Rushmore may slam into a Canada Goose and go askew. It sucks when this happens! No doubt your goat ranch in Chug Water, Wyoming is in eminent danger from this likely chain of events. Perhaps, you should add a specific ‘Unpasteurized-Cheese Addendum’ to your Terrorist Policy. Call your agent today and ask them. See if they will sell you one.

The odds of you dying of a mosquito bite are better than the odds you will die at the hands of a terrorist. Well, crap! The government better permit companies to require we all carry Mosquito Insurance. Maybe you can get a DEET discount! Better still; why not turn over all our bothersome responsibility, like freedom and privacy, to the Feds. Then good ol’ Uncle Sam can protect citizens from the winged menaces that haunt our very souls.

Congress could raise taxes to fund Bug Inspectors. Their job would be to comb through your private life, home and property looking for freestanding water. They would not look for anything else (roll eyes here). Still cancer and glaucoma patients might want to keep the baggies away from the birdbath.

Speaking of cancer, the Air Force could spray us all from above with a perfectly “safe” mixture of insecticides called Agent Tan. Coincidently, that day your governor vacations far away. Is there anybody in his or her right mind who would elect an insurance salesman to public office? Of course, both politicians and insurers are selling you hot air, so perhaps it is a match made in H…

A very few insurances are worth buying, such as liability insurance for cars and real estate. Once you have something to lose, it’s a sure bet some lazy troll with an entitlement-mentality will try to sue you. In this case, you want the giants on your side. Insurance companies provide lawyers to run evil little trolls back under their bridges.

Insurance prices in America are out of control. The wide range of insurance the bureaucracy would have us believe we cannot live without is genuinely insulting. Buying all the coverage companies would have you believe you need wastes thousands of your dollars each year. Look over policies and eliminate what you can. Insurance is just legalized gambling. If you are betting against yourself, how can you take a gamble on yourself? Pursue your dreams instead!

The preceding is an excerpt from the book Keeping the Masses Down. Satirist Nola L. Kelsey (www.NolaKelsey.com.) is the coauthor and “primary scribe” of this twisted political satire. Kelsey is also the author of the scathingly wicked comedy Bitch Unleashed: The Harsh Realities of Goin’ Country. August K. Anderson, a former lawyer, long time CEO of Golden Quest Enterprises (www.chevalinternational.com) and one of the country’s top equestrians, is the primary political force behind Masses. Her ideals formed the cornerstone of this motivational, life-conquering manual.

© Copyright 2005

“Super Acidophilus” would probably be the right name to appreciate the favorable effects of these bacteria on our health. What is acidophilus? Lactobacillus Acidophilus is a lactic acid producing bacteria which is a “probiotic” organism meaning it favors life. So, unlike many other pathogenic bacteria, acidophilus is beneficial to human health. Our intestines are a home to about 400 species of micro-organisms and not all are good or bad. There is an ecological balance maintained in our body that helps all these bacteria and yeast to sustain them. The function of acidophilus in human body is to absorb lactose form food and convert it into lactic acid thus facilitating digestion and overall health.

Now, about the availability of these bacteria, it is naturally present in our intestines, vagina and mouth. It is also naturally present in the intestines of the animals and in variety of food products like dairy products and meat especially fish. Acidophilus supplements are available in abundance in the market now in varying strengths and varieties. Sweet acidophilus milks and yogurts are also available. It is used in milk processing and preparing yogurts and as supplements for its various health benefits thus finding its place in most food stores.

What is acidophilus used for? Well, the best use of this lactic acid producing bacteria is its aid in human health. Why should we need these bacteria when it is already present in our body naturally? There are reasons like antibiotic intake, chlorinated water, junk food, stomach infections and more which cause a depletion of friendly bacteria in our body thus accelerating the growth of yeast and pathogenic bacteria instead. Taking acidophilus may help in keeping the growth of harmful bacteria and yeast under control thus helps in protecting our body against yeast infections, digestive disorders and bad breadth.

Antibiotics can destroy useful flora thus causing yeast to overgrow and cause infections like thrush, urinary tract infections and infections of the breast. Candida yeast can overgrow with antibiotics causing allergies, digestive disorders, loss of energy and urinary tract infection. Acidophilus is strong enough to combat this yeast generally and is thus suggested with the use of antibiotics. It may help reduce acne and produces essential B vitamins in the body. It can help relieve lactose intolerance as it produces lactase which checks lactose intolerance. Cultured milk containing acidophilus may be a good alternative for people who have difficulties digesting normal dairy products.

Acidophilus is also suggested to enhance general well being and immunity of the body. Acidophilus supplements are found in various forms like powder, tablets, suppositories, liquid and capsules. They vary in their strength and care should be taken while choosing the one that matches your individual need. It’s important to read the instructions and check for “active” or “live” cultures. Heat, direct sunlight and excessive cold can destroy these bacteria.

In rare cases, these bacteria can excessively combine with saliva to digest foods thus producing plaque and releasing acid. Excessive acid released in one area can cause erosion of tooth enamel leading to tooth decay. It is best to consult your doctor if you experience any side effects though they are rarely reported. In special cases such as pregnancy, it is better to take consultation before starting any supplements. Overall, it is one of the best known bacteria which are essential for a healthy digestive system and overall health.

Swing thoughts on the practice range are an unquestioned strategy. They simplify a complex situation. They speed the learning process. And they help develop trust in your swing. How about during a match? Do swing thoughts help there? What are the best swing thoughts to have?

While instructors differ on which are the best swing thoughts during a match, they all agree on one thing: Thoughts like “Keep your elbow tucked in,” Finish with your belt buckle facing the target,” or “Keep your head still” only foul up your swing when playing. In fact, many golf tips on swing thoughts reject the whole idea.

It’s not that these thoughts are bad. They’re not. They’re right on target. Entire golf lessons are designed around them. And they’re great in practice. They keep you focused on what you’re doing.

But eliminate them during a match. Why? They focus on swing mechanics and that’s something to avoid when actually swinging a club. Check any golf instruction manual. They will tell you the same thing: You can’t command your body to work in a certain way when hitting the ball. Trying to do so creates more problems than it solves.

Instead, focus on your target. That, after all, is your real goal. Forget about where your hands are or where your hips are. Concentrate on where you want the ball to land and link to it creatively and emotionally. Develop a mental picture of that spot and keep it in mind as you swing.

If you must have a swing thought, keep it simple. And non-mechanical. Many PGA pros focus on a single thought, which eliminates thoughts about swing mechanics.

Ernie Ells keeps this thought in mind when he swings “Low and slow.” That’s it. He doesn’t think about where his hands are, where his weight is, or where his body is going to end up. That’s for when he’s taking a golf lesson from his swing coach. Instead, he focuses on taking the club back low and slow, eliminating everything else.

Fred Shoemaker, author, a pioneer in golf instruction, and founder of the golf school Extraordinary Golf, is adamant about swing thoughts. Replace thoughts about your mechanics with thoughts about the “feel” of your swing. Think about tempo and rhythm rather than where and when. If you must have a swing thought, says Fred, have one that reinforces the feel of your swing.

Fred has his students practice throwing clubs to emphasize this idea. At first, they throw a club 15 feet. Then, they throw one with a slightly fuller swing, about 25 feet or so. After about 200 throws, they throw one with a complete golf swing. Of course, this club throwing is done under strict supervision and safety conditions.

Once Fred’s students master club throwing, they move to the tee. The goal there is remembering how it feels to throw a club when you hit a ball. They focus on that idea and that idea alone.

Another approach is to have a thought that triggers something in your swing, thoughts that

• Mentally in-plant your target line
• Mimics the actual swing
• Produces a smooth take away
• Triggers the downswing.
• Promotes relaxation while swinging

Establish a target line for your ball flight before you address the ball. Keep that thought in mind when you hit and try to copy it with your ball flight. That forces you to keep the target line in mind, not your mechanics.

Most professional golfers take a few practice swings before they address the ball. They want the feel of the swing before they hit the ball. Recreational golfers ought to do the same. Take a few practice swings. Remember how it feels. Keep that “feel” in mind when you hit.

Focus on a thought that promotes a smooth takeaway. Slow and easy. Or, slow and smooth. Anything that produces a nice takeaway helps. Remember, the takeaway and backswing do one thing: position you for the downswing.

The downswing begins the chain reaction of feet, knees, thighs, and shoulders. Any thought that triggers this chain reaction helps deliver the blow at impact. Try thoughts like, “Plant your left heel,” or “Slide your left knee toward the target.” Anything that helps you transfers your weight to your left side works well.

Also try to complete the backswing in a relaxed manner. Think of anything that will occupy the time between your takeaway and the completion of your backswing. That brief time is critical. It’s when golfers think about their mechanics instead of their targets.

Consistency is every golfer’s goal. To achieve it, we need a swing that is repeatable under pressure every time we play. Developing that swing, however, isn’t easy. It takes hard work and plenty of practice.

Having a thought process that repeats itself time and time again helps you develop that swing as well. If the metal side of your game syncs with the physical side, achieving swing consistency gets easier. More importantly, it cuts strokes from your game, which, in turn, generates a lower handicap.

Jack Moorehouse publishes a free weekly newsletter with the latest golf tips and instruction and has helped thousands of golfers lower their handicaps quickly. He is the author of the best-selling book How To Break 80.